Wednesday, October 26, 2005
More often than not i do the first thing that comes to mind. I will like to think that this 'in impulse' way of handling situations thrown at me is really what i wanted and is really my heart speaking. I could be wrong. But who are better able to judge? not me, of cuz. but definitely not others. simply cos u will never know the whole situation as well as i do . i experience them all, u know.
When i see yu still afraid of the painful needle, i thought i knew. Its what she has to do, its good for her , no body want it to happen to her, why is she throwing tantrums?? She doesn't know the importance of healthy living. But neither do i. Neither do i know what is she really going through. Cos as much as i read about diabetes, as much as i heard what will happen and what is diabetes about, I am healthy. I am rationale simply bcos i am not the one having to all through all that. I am not the one who are slowly gaining back all the weight and more. I am not the one who have a stomach full of little humps cos of the needle prinks. I am not the onw who has to worry about having to go out with friends on a friday afternoon for lunch and to bring the needle along. I am not the one who has to eat mac fries on special occasions only and in small amount. And diet coke is not a choice for her unlike others. As much as i want to say i understand , i know, i never really got it.
** Sometimes, i almost forget that yu has diabetics. And whenever i remember, i will feel guilty for not remembering. I know that there's a lot others who are less fortunate, and watching serials about children with illness always gave me a chance to see things at yu perspective and how she will cry and make known her inside thoughts if she is more vocal and less shy. I will be identifying the "wrong" things the family does to alienate the child or to make her feel worse, and sadly sometimes reel reflects the real.
I did not wanted to plan to write all this. .. . i was thinking about the different perspective each person has to many things / or to 1 bad situation.
I have long gone past the pointing finger part. I am numb to the matter already. Actually i think i was numb to it a long time ago. Only people invoke emotions , matter doesn't. Self_-righteous\stubborn me will always want me to be right always. That people agree with me , is one of the things i like really. As a few of you will know or discover. But what Sometinreally matters is the people who agree with me, to put it, the people who I WANT to agree with me. What it is doen't really matter , to me. TO me its the people who i really care about their opinion that i want to hear the resounding "yah!" from.
** though, if i am really wrong pls tell me truthfully and gentlely. AND pls dun abandon this friend simply cos of this wrong. Cos if anything, i never wanted this wrong too.
-revenge is bittersweet-
ning11:54 PM